|
|
|
|
What Makes a
Healthy Relationship
|
|
Sometimes it feels
impossible to find someone who's right for you — and who thinks
you're right for him or her! So when it happens, you're usually
so psyched that you don't even mind when your little brother
finishes all the ice cream or your English teacher chooses the one
day when you didn't do your reading to give you a pop quiz.It's totally normal to
look at the world through rose-colored glasses in the early stages
of a relationship. But for some people, those rose-colored glasses
turn into blinders that keep them from seeing that a relationship
isn't as healthy as it should be. |
|
|
What Makes a Healthy
Relationship? |
|
Hopefully, you and your
significant other are treating each other well. Not sure if that's
the case? Take a step back from the dizzying sensation of being
swept off your feet and think about whether your relationship has
these seven qualities: |
|
Mutual respect. Does
he or she get how cool you are and why? (Watch out if the answer to
the first part is yes but only because you're
acting like someone you're not!) The key is that your BF or
GF is into you for who you are — for your great sense of
humor, your love of reality TV, etc. Does your partner listen when
you say you're not comfortable doing something and then back off
right away? Respect in a relationship means that each person values
who the other is and understands — and would never challenge — the
other person's boundaries. |
|
Trust. You're talking
with a guy from French class and your boyfriend walks by. Does he
completely lose his cool or keep walking because he knows you'd
never cheat on him? It's OK to get a little jealous sometimes —
jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling
jealous is what matters. There's no way you can have a healthy
relationship if you don't trust each other. |
|
Honesty. This one goes
hand-in-hand with trust because it's tough to trust someone when one
of you isn't being honest.Have you ever caught
your girlfriend in a major lie? Like she told you that she had to
work on Friday night but it turned out she was at the movies with
her friends? The next time she says she has to work, you'll have a
lot more trouble believing her and the trust will be on shaky
ground. |
|
Support. It's not just
in bad times that your partner should support you. Some people are
great when your whole world is falling apart but can't take being
there when things are going right (and vice versa). In a healthy
relationship, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry
on when you find out your parents are getting divorced and
to celebrate with you when you get the lead in a play. |
|
Fairness/equality. You
need to have give-and-take in your relationship, too. Do you take
turns choosing which new movie to see? As a couple, do you hang out
with your partner's friends as often as you hang out with yours?
It's not like you have to keep a running count and make sure things
are exactly even, of course. But you'll know if it isn't a pretty
fair balance. Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns
into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her
way all the time. |
|
Separate identities.
In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises. But
that doesn't mean you should feel like you're losing out on being
yourself. When you started going out, you both had your own lives
(families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.) and that shouldn't
change. Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you
don't, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you
love. And you also should feel free to keep developing new talents
or interests, making new friends, and moving forward. |
|
Good communication. You've
probably heard lots of stuff about how men and women don't seem to
speak the same language. We all know how many different meanings the
little phrase "no, nothing's wrong" can have, depending on who's
saying it! But what's important is to ask if you're not sure what he
or she means, and speak honestly and openly so that the
miscommunication is avoided in the first place. Never keep a feeling
bottled up because you're afraid it's not what your BF or GF wants
to hear or because you worry about sounding silly. And if you need
some time to think something through before you're ready to talk
about it, the right person will give you some space to do that if
you ask for it. |
|
|